Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
