That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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