Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
