I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
