I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.