I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son