"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb