Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?