haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
