I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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