Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
