nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
