My Higher Power is John Stamos
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
