I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
