Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
