Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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