Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
