I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
