So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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