i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
