i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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