Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
