Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't deserve a penis
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
