My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He better not be in your backpack
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
