I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
