he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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