I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
