fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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