one two three fourrrrnication!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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