i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
