Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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