Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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