i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
