I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize
