You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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