what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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