we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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