Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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