Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
