So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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