i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
