You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
