All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to make a zoo with you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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