I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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