I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
