Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
