I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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