Im at strip club and am horny
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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