It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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