He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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