One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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