My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
