I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize