??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
