Are we in a gay sports bar?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will be naked everywhere
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
