She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
