My friends, they love my intelligence
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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