the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
