I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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