then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
