he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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