if only i could text you this smell
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
