When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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