Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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