they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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