if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
