i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
