you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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