i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
