FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
