i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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