You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
