Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
