Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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