No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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